The Hardest Part of a Zombie Apocalypse Will be Pretending I'm Not Excited

I'm assuming you have a Facebook account, no? Most of us do. I've had mine for about half a year, and I already have more friends than my parents (not combined), who have had Facebook longer than I have! Anyway, you Facebook users have probably heard of "Groups," right? Virtual fan clubs about random things, like, "Joey Chestnut is the greatest athlete of my generation," "Legalize Man-Tree Marriage," and, "The good people of the U.S. against Angelica Pickles."

Of course, that's only a small portion of the hundreds of thousands of groups that hardly make sense at all. I thought it'd be kind of fun to share some of these humorous group titles with you. Feel free to search these groups on Facebook, and even join them if you deem necessary!

• Who is hotter? Miley Cyrus or Larry King?
• If you don't speed up, I'm going to slash your tires and kill your family.
• Official Petition to Facebook for an "Enemies List
• Cry more about Facebook being opened up, please. Your anguish sustains me.
• Appreciation Center for Cats that look like Hitler
• 2/3 of the world is covered by water, the other 1/3 is covered by Asante Samuel
• If 1,000,000 people join this group, nothing will happen
• I will go out of my way to step on a leaf that looks particularly crunchy
• No, I don't care if I die at 12AM, I refuse to pass on your chain letter
• I believe the word "studying" was derived from the words "students dying"
• After Monday & Tuesday even the calendar says W T F
• Yeah. Ok, Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Ok, Yes. Ok. I know. Ok. Yes. BYE MOM.
• Because I read Twilight I have unrealistic expectations in Men
• I was gonna post a status, then I remembered I have family on Facebook
• Another Farmville invite and I will kill your animals and burn your crops
• 1 friend request. 0 mutual friends. Yeah right.
• I HAVE ALREADY PLACED MY ITEMS IN THE BAGGING AREA!
• "You're here to learn." "No, I'm here because it's the law."
• Well that was awkward.
• That Waldo is a tricky son of a *****
• I don't believe in Nevada
• When I was your age, we solved Blue's Clues with Steve, not Joe.
• I was blown away when I realized OK is a sideways person.
• The smallest group on Facebook. Nobody join!!!!!
• FOR NARNIA!!!
• "That girl has such a pretty voice." "Mom, that's Justin Bieber."
• "Let's eat Grandma," or, "Let's eat, Grandma." PUNCTUATION SAVES LIVES
• Dora, you're Multilingual at age 4, you should be able to find the banana tree
• When I was your age, shoes didn't have wheels
• If 50,000 people join this group, LeBron will make his free throws

I could go on, but I'd rather keep this post from getting any longer than the entire list of funny Facebook groups. If you have seen, or have joined, any funny groups on Facebook, I'd love to hear them in the comments below! I'd also love to hear about your reactions to these group titles, so comment away! See you on Facebook!

Yours in awesomeness,
~Ry.

Birthday Presents

Yesterday, my dad and I went shopping for a late birthday present for my mom, up at the mall. The reason we were getting her "late" birthday presents is because we hadn't been able to buy for her on her real birthday (February 12), due to the fact that we had to spend Thursday night at my grandparents' house, because we had no heat, or hot water at our house. (This was due to a snow storm we had) Plus, with school, and all, we really wouldn't have found the time to go shopping anyway.

I'm getting a little off track here. As I was saying, we were at the mall. Mom had really only listed two things she wanted for her birthday. Now, I'm not going to list what we ended up getting her, for obvious reasons, but I will list something we almost got her.
It was when we were in Borders, looking to see if there were any books we could get her. We were also looking for other things we could get her, since getting her just the two things she listed would have made for one crappy birthday (we'd probably be singing that at her party as well; "Crappy Birthday to You!....").
We had some things to get her, (along with an AC/DC album I bought for myself, which mom is still complaining about, since I was buying for myself, instead of for her. Quit nagging, Mom, we got you something too!) and after checking out, I noticed another book on a nearby shelf.

"Hey, Dad," I called, "Maybe we should get her this!"
It was a book on "How to Belly Dance."

Dad got a grin out of this. He knew I was only joking, but then he said, "Should we?"
"No way!" I replied. I knew watching Mom try to belly-dance would be just as catastrophic as another Hurricane Katrina. Dad thought it'd be a good gag-gift for her, but something tells me he was hoping Mom would end up using the book. I knew she wouldn't, though, so it would end up being a waste of money.

So, Mom, I hope I didn't ruin your birthday by not buying you a belly-dancing book. Why don't you just stick to Wii Fit?

Speaking of holidays, I wanted to wish all of you a Happy Valentines Day! Give that special someone a hug for me!


Yours in awesomeness,
~Ry.

Why I'll Never Be a Country Boy

Every time I get into my mom's car, I go through the same thing;

Listen to country music.

Sure, you may like country music, but I am getting annoyed by it (with the exception of The Zac Brown Band). To further explain what I find disturbing about country music, I have compiled a list of reasons as to why I'll never go country.


First of all, absolutely every song you hear on Cat Country 98.1 is about one of the following things:

• Going to a bar
• Getting drunk at a bar
• Getting drunk
• Going out with a woman (or man, depending on gender of singer)
• Breaking up with a woman (or man, depending on gender of singer)
• Fishing
• Guns
• Making love
• Fighting
• Being "Young `n Reckless"

Let's go over these things, shall we?

First off, bars. Country people can't get enough of them "honky tonks". The bar is a country boy's home-away-from-home, where they can laugh with their friends, get drunk, start a fight, meet a girl, kiss a girl, go to "third base" with a girl, break up with a girl, and get drunk again, all in one night. I basically covered everything on the previously-mentioned list, except for fishing. Honestly, that's just a bit much for me. I look forward to being a responsible driver, not a drunk one.

Then, there's women. God, country boys just can't get enough of them "badonkadonks". (Just ask Trace Adkins). Of course, as a teenage boy, I can't really say I disagree, but enough of that. Truth is, when you're a country boy, and you want to hook up with a girl, it leads to something of a "Cycle of Girlfriends". It works something like this; You meet a girl, get her drunk, take her home that night, get married the next day, and break up a week later. It's sad, really, which is just another reason why I don't want to be a country boy.

So, we've covered bars/beer, and girls. How's about fishing. I will admit, I've been fishing a couple times, and I have ti say, I'm not that bad at it. Thing is, Brad Paisley is obsessed with fishing.
And I don't like Brad Paisley.
He annoys me.
A lot.

I don't know why, but there's just something about him that annoys me. He tries to get all "rock-and-roll-y" in his songs. I say he either sticks to country, or sticks to rock-and-roll. Not both.

Guns are just a given in a country boy's life. Every country boy has a shot-gun in their closet upstairs, just waiting to take a shot at a deer, only to mount it's antlers above the fireplace. I like animals. `Nuff said.

That's about everything there is on that list. If you were wondering about what country girls are like, don't even get me started. You listen to at least five country songs sung by females, and you get to understand just how complicated women can be.

As you can see, country boys are very similar to gangster, rap boys, with the exception of bars, and fishing. Either way, you're bound to end up in jail, which is not the place for me.

Hence the reason why I'll never be a country boy.

Yours in awesomeness,
~Ry.