Public Restrooms: Friends, or Foes?

While in a Borders book store, this past Wednesday, I realized something that may be somewhat important to you:

Beware public restrooms.

I believe there are many flaws in public restrooms, but I've never ventured into the depths of the Women`s room, so this may not be accurate to all restrooms. That means that this post is dedicated towards males, mostly, but women should feel free to read along, and see if any of these problems relate to the bathrooms you use when you're out shopping for shoes, or whatever.

So, let's get started, shall we?

First, let me just say that public restrooms should be avoided at all costs. But sometimes, you just gotta go, so when trying to choose the most appropriate bathroom to use, use this "guide" to help you decide which ones are better than others, thus, giving you a more comfortable experience.
Let's start off with finding the restroom itself. Some public areas are so cluttered, and large, that the only bathroom in the building is strategically hidden in some aisle that's blended in with all the other aisles, leaving you running in circles trying to find the "restrooms" sign.
Once you do find it, depending on where you are, there could be a line. The largest lines happen to appear in the women`s room. Those lines have been known to stretch all the way outside the bathroom, but, like I said, this post is steered more towards men, so no worries to you guys!
Even though the lines in the men`s rooms can get pretty long, they usually don't stretch as long as the women`s room lines do. Once it's your turn to go, you usually head for the urinal farthest away from the person ahead of you. This sometimes is a problem, because smaller bathrooms tend to have only two urinals, which are placed inches away from each other, leaving you praying to God the guy next to you isn't a creeper.
Some urinals are divided by walls, which can be useful, except for the fact that sometimes the walls are too low, allowing taller people to accidentally peek over at you.
Another thing about using urinals are the other people using them as well. These people can be categorized into a number of subjects:

• The "Stand-Behinders"; the guy in line behind you, who breathes down your neck while you're "going".
• The "Crowders"; the guy who chooses the urinal right next to yours, no matter how many other open toilets there are.
• The "Talkers"; guys who try to strike up conversation with you while you're "going".
• The "Stall-Talkers"; The guys in the stalls near you, who hear you come in, and try to strike up conversation with you.
• The "Stall-Cell-Talkers"; the guys who are using the stalls near you, who happen to get a call on their cell phones, allowing you to hear what they're saying, which can be pretty awkward.

So, once you've figured out which occupant is which, you can usually find a toilet farthest from them, but you'll still find some problems with using urinals. As the technology of today advances, so does the technology of the standard toilet. Now, instead of the normal handle-flusher we're all used to, we now have the toilets flushed for us, by a little man inside the toilet. He is commonly known for his red eye, that looks out at us while we are doing our business. Then, that little red-eyed man decides when to flush, removing the heavy burden of actually having to push a handle down. Thanks, little red-eyed man!
Another problem with urinals are the design of the toilet itself. The most common type of toilet is the one with the wall, allowing you to aim freely. This type of toilet is probably based on the way we "go" on trees.
But, then there's the urinal that stretches all the way down to the floor, right in front of our feet, forcing us to aim carefully in between our shoes.

So, now we know the problems with going "Number-1". If you thought that seemed challenging, wait until you read about going "Number-2".
When you have to pass your digested food out the "back-exit", you head for the dreaded stall. A stall is basically a coffin, with dirty floors, walls, and toilets. Most people try to go for the handicapped stall, the safest of all the stalls, but of course, everyone else has the same idea as you, so that's usually taken.
The first problem you may find with stalls is the entrance. Most stall doors open inwards, towards the toilet, forcing you to practically step into the toilet just to shut the door behind you.
Once you close the door, you go to lock it, but, of course, there's a flaw with the locks as well. Some stall doors have locks that were built so that they are just unaligned enough so that the door swings right open again, revealing you to everyone else as you "go".
Plus, some doors leave gaping cracks in between the wall, and the door itself, allowing other people to see you as you "go".
Then, there's the toilet, which is sometimes built so low to the ground, you can practically look right under the wall separating you, and the guy in the stall next to you, allowing you to almost see each other.... you know.
Once you find a good stall, you'll be given some reading material, written on the walls. This was made by some other teenagers, who write one thing about someone, or something, and eventually turns into something that relates to an online instant messenger conversation. Feel free to add to the conversation, if you wish.
The toilet design is actually much better than the urinal's, except for one thing:
The little red-eyed man.
He can also be found sometimes in these toilets, once again, removing the burden of having to flush the toilet yourself.

Okay, so you're done doing your business. Now it's time to wash your hands.
Some bathrooms have regular sinks, with the knobs to turn on cold, and hot water. But, you'll find that more, and more restrooms are equipped with sinks that also give shelter to the red-eyed man, who turns the sink on, and off for you. The only difference in this is that you can't see his eye, and he sometimes refuses to turn the sink on for you, or at the temperature you'd prefer. Other sinks have the annoying buttons that turn on cold, and hot water, but only for as long as you push the button down. This can also be a problem.

So, you're washed up. Now, let's dry our hands off.
But, wait. Where's the paper-towels?
See, once again, technology plays a big roll in drying your hands. Instead of the bulky towel-holders you see occasionally, you'll find a big, bulky monster, that blows hot air at your hands to dry them off. These aren't always reliable, because it can take up to to rounds of hot-air-blowing just to dry your hands completely.
"Just give me a freaking paper towel, please!!!"

As you can see, technology is taking it's toll on restrooms these days, which leads to many, many problems, and flaws. Hopefully, this blog post will help you avoid these "Problematic-Potty-Places", and steer you clear of bad toilets.

And little red-eyed men.
For more information, and more detailed descriptions of the things mentioned above, you can view this video.



Also, a quick side-not; my team won our basketball game today, 30-25!

Yours in awesomeness,
~Ry.